Irwin A. Michelfelder

Irwin's obituary by Rudy Kikel

I popped into Mike's Gym in Boston on Monday, the day after our "Ask Irwin" HIV issues columnist Irwin Michelfelder died, and the people I knew who knew him were shaken-- and in one instance, even shaking. Irwin was a big teddy bear of a man. And what came with that big man's body was a heart as big as the proverbial "all outdoors" and the soul of an angel. When people discovered they both knew Irwin, they would invariably trade opinions about how lucky they were to know him. As one friend at Mike's said to me on Monday, "He was one of the good guys."

If you didn't know him, you only had to read his column to see evidence of his understanding heart, his relish for life, and his mind, which was sharp as a tack--a mind often exercised in the interest of cutting through the sometimes foggy thinking of his correspondents. Irwin's therapeutic language included phrases like "cutting through denial," "reality check," and "I hear you saying" and once he got through redrafting the options that people's fantasies were really putting in their way, making choices was easier for them--and they had a better chance of saving their own lives.

I have no hesitation in saying that Irwin's columns in Bay Windows, which I edited, saved my life--one week he addressed risky behavior I was hankering for and I was in danger of making a poor decision in regard to. If he could do it for me, he could do it for others. Other columnists may be interesting, far-ranging and/or funny; I don't know how many could actually, like Irwin, save lives.

In Irwin Michelfelder's passing, the GLBT community in Boston is a more vulnerable one. I hope people remember some of the positions he argued for, and, more than that, I hope they remember the man, so his healing influence can go on.

He died October 3 following a prolonged bout of pancreatitis and related complications. He was born May 14, 1955 in Dayton, Ohio. Irwin came to New England with his family in 1957. He was a graduate of Contoocook Valley High School in Peterborough, New Hampshire. He obtained his bachelor's degree from Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio; and more recently obtained graduate degrees in advertising and counseling psychology at Northwestern and Antioch College, respectively.

Long active in HIV counseling, Irwin interned with Victory Programs and was later employed by Positive Directions and Dimock Community Health Center as a mental health counselor. He also maintained a private mental health practice, in addition to authoring his column for Bay Windows.

He is survived by his mother, Martha Scott of Temple, NH; his father, Kenneth Scott of Delray Beach, FL; and by his brother, Mark Scott of Boyertown, PA.

A memorial service will be held on Sunday, October 17 at 2 P.M. at the Unitarian Church, Peterborough, NH.

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